Narcissism or Self-Esteem??

I used to think I was a narcissist. People would tell me that my self-esteem was too high. I believed them for years. I took the basic definition of a narcissist, that I was consumed with self. Most people in their late teens are a little self-absorbed not to mention spoiled, so I wasn't truly concerned with the label. I went with it, but didn't internalize the negative traits associated with narcissism. Later I learned that those that were so “concerned” with my esteem merely were mirroring their issues on to me. It’s rare someone is going to tell you “I don’t fully like myself, and I’m uncomfortable with how comfortable you are with yourself.”



Self-esteem is how you feel about yourself. Self-confidence is how you feel/think about your abilities. They go together like peanut butter and jelly. These feelings help you to subconsciously and consciously determine the things you do and the things you accept from others.

I love me some me. I celebrate my successes and my failures. I live by the thought if he or she can do it, so can I. They aren't any smarter than I. I really believe this. 

Because one believes in oneself, one doesn’t try to convince others. Because one is content with oneself, one doesn’t need others’ approval. Because one accepts oneself, the whole world accepts him or her.
— Lao Tzu

I know I have faults (a long list), and I accept them. I know I'm not perfect, but rather perfectly imperfect. I don’t think I’m better than anyone, but I am equal to. My playing ground is level. I don't put anyone down or above me. 

My parents used to tell me I was amazing and I could do ANYTHING I wanted. Guess what? I believed them. Still do! Adults uplift younger children and we even lie to them sometimes. You know that picture full of colorful squiggly lines that is “beautiful and amazing,” although we really don’t know what it is. Truly it doesn't matter what’s on that paper. That smiling face full of joy and excitement and pride is what matters. In time, the child will learn his or her strengths. Even if drawing isn't their strength, drawing may provide a great stress relief and become a passion. Side note: not every passion leads to purpose. However, in recognizing passion it helps lead us to our purpose.

Parents need to fill a child’s bucket of self-esteem so high that the rest of the world can’t poke enough holes to drain it dry.
— Alvin Price

My parents would have dinner parties and allow me to sing for their guests. I cannot sing! Not at all! I would sing Whitney Houston's Greatest Hits and those guests would cheer me on, but I now know that I can't sing. Nothing changed from then to now, but those adults built me up. I can carry a tune, but that’s the extent of that. I love singing and I love music. It makes me feel great in good and bad times. I have a playlist on my iTunes entitled “pity party” whenever I was upset I would get five to ten minutes of listening to the best sad songs I've ever heard. I used to write songs and would/will make up a song and sing in a moment’s notice just to make someone smile. That’s my purpose…helping others find their happy.

Hard work beats talent
— Tim Notke

My Huni is a personal development coach aka personal trainer. He was working with this kid at a basketball camp. I remember he came home and nicknamed the kid "mission impossible." I ask about this kid weekly. I'm a sucker for the underdog, I want everyone to succeed. This is the 5th  week and Huni says mission impossible has so much heart and drive that he puts in double the work to make up for the lack of natural ability. 

Self-esteem...can be evaluated simply? How much do I love me? A a systematic response. Answer it in terms of : I won't accept XYZ because I recognize my worth. I am worth: unconditional love, fulfilling interpersonal relationships, satisfying work, an abundance of money.

Anything less than your defined cheating yourself. 

If you don't believe your true worth, the Universe won't believe you and certain things will be held from you. Exactly what you project will be returned to you. Want to stop dating losers...think higher of yourself. We attract what we are. Want a better job, produce better results. Don't allow yourself to just be content unless you truly are content. Contentment doesn't include complaining. 

Again, anything you put your mind to you CAN do. You have to want to, believe you can, and get to work.  Naysayers will forever attempt to instill their fear into us by distraction and saying that we can't do something.  How we feel about ourselves impacts our interactions throughout life. How we view our successes and failures determines future failures and successes. Are you mission impossible or mission I AM POSSIBLE? Email me, I would love to know!

Live. Love. Action

1.      Define your self-esteem?

2.      Love yourself!

3.      Examine how you may not be honoring your defined self-esteem.